When's the last time I was up for posting twice in two days? Anywho...

Cut my hair off today, feels so much cooler. I should cut it more often, but I opt for the "Does it stick up when I wake up?" test -- if I have to comb it, it's time to cut it. ( This gets longer than I thought it would. The entry, not my hair. )

All that to say I cut my hair. Anywho, got that done outside, came in to take a shower, and plopped my clothes down beside ( now I'm just building suspense... )

I went to the doctor for the first time since 1995, have this cyst-type-thing on my back that's bothering Pattie. (Doesn't bother me a bit, aside from occasionally itching. I've named it Bob.) Also got set up for a sleep study, since Pattie says I stop breathing during the night. BP was a tad high at the doc, he blamed it on the apnea. BP was closer to expected at the sleep center, they blamed the higher reading on nerves. And mom's pissed because the doctor didn't draw blood, I swear she's not happy if I'm not bleeding.

Celebrities have been dropping like flies lately. Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, and Billy Mays all within a week of each other. Makes you wonder who's next.

Finally a break in the heat, it's 72°F today. Still ready for winter, but this is much better.

I swear I'm the only person in this house who can manage not to piss on the damn toilet seat.

I had the strangest dream...it was me, Pattie, President Obama, Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu and deceased PLO leader Yasser Arafat were in this warehouse office. Pattie and Obama stayed in the office to talk about something while the rest of us went out into the warehouse and shot each other with squirt guns.

I have a new favorite flavor. And that flavor is Cucumber with Chile.



They're actually pretty spicy -- and I like stuff spicy -- but also very refreshing. Pattie might like it without the chile, except they don't make them.

Or, "Springtime in Celina, Ohio"

( Twitter )
( Lent )
( Martians )
( Garbage Digging )

And completely unrelated to any of that, we got our living room cleaned up. Yay!

I had a dream this morning. As I've said before, it's pretty uncommon for me to remember my dreams. I don't think I've remembered one since the last one. Okay, THAT made sense. Since the last one I blogged about, back in freaking I dunno, lemme look it up. November. Maybe it's because I don't normally go to bed until I'm actually tired. Or maybe it's because my definition of "tired" is "if I don't go to bed NAO Pattie's gonna find me passed out at my computer or on the crapper. Again." Maybe I need to look at that. And maybe I'm rambling.

The dream. That's right. For whatever reason I dreamed I was back at Bluffton. Trigger and Hoch were there, even though it was my senior year. Found my room and started talking to the new roomies and the people popping in and out, none of whom I recognized. The thing I found remarkable was how easily I was talking to everybody, that's never been my strong suit. So why this dream now? Some possibilities:

* I thoroughly enjoyed my time at Bluffton. Who wouldn't want to dream about it?

* As of February 15, my student loans were paid in full. OH GOD YES. Now I can think about Bluffton without also thinking "Jeez, I'm STILL paying them?"

* My mom's getting ready to redo some rooms at her house, which means I'm going to be cleaning my old room out (and probably cleaning out stuff here, since I'm sure I'll find stuff there I want to bring here). Preparation for a waking trip down memory lane?

* Long nights of pushing a dust mop and cleaning crappers allow for copious amounts of introspection, and occasionally the topic turns to where my life has been -- and why -- and where I want it to go. One of the things I've realized is that I need to readjust how much it matters what certain people think, say and do. Let it reflect on what kind of person they are, then let it go. Easier said than done, maybe, but hey. Maybe a reaction to introspection?

* I've also realized that I really want to reconnect with Jon, one of my friends from Bluffton and one of the few I've spoken to since. (His wedding was where I met Pattie.) He's far from perfect, sure, but show me someone who isn't.

* Speaking of weddings, Rachael's is in a few weeks. The last time I was at a non-family wedding where I was the one who first knew the couple was, in fact, back when I was at Bluffton. Maybe that one's a stretch, but hey, my major was chemistry, not dream analysis.

I present to you...the BACONPIG!


Does this not look delicious?

Last time I threw up without the aid of alcohol was, what, 2000, 2001, somewhere in there? And I couldn't tell you the last time I had the flu.

Well, today I had the flu.

Started out this morning at work with just a queasy stomach. Couldn't even go into the breakroom with whatever they were cooking -- had to have someone else get the trash -- and went outside (in -26°F wind chills) for fresh air at last break.

Off-subject a moment, about those temperatures. Had to break out my heavy Bengals coat, don't think I even wore it last year. Kept me plenty warm, but you remember the little kid on A Christmas Story that was so bundled up he could hardly move? Yeah, that's what it makes me feel like. Doesn't help that it's a 2X and these days I'm wearing 3X...

Anywho. So I held my stomach at bay until about a half-hour after I got home. Then I threw up everything in my stomach, threw up the bile in my stomach, tried to throw up my stomach, and threw up the water I was drinking, in that order. I was also cold, which doesn't happen.

By noon, though, the pyrotechnics died down, and some molasses water settled pretty good. Slept for a while, and I'll be good to go to work tonight. (Calling in would be stranger yet, haven't done that since 1997.)

Right now my stomach's gurgling a bit, but I think it's just lack of anything in it. We'll see how a plain grilled chicken breast does.

And so, scarcely a year and a half after getting dragged kicking and screaming into the '90s, I've already broken into the 2000s.


Mostly I got it for the size, although getting an MP3 player in roundabout fashion didn't hurt either. Crazy lady at the Verizon kiosk in the Lima Mall tried her darnedest to talk me out of it, all I can figure is they run on commission and the Juke was only available online. And then the website shipped it next-day. Free next-day shipping on a free phone. I can handle that.

Got about $350 left on my student loans, that'll be paid off in February. Thank goodness.

Finally got my Windows Update working again, turns out I was somehow missing a keyful of entries in the registry that disabled communication. Still trying to figure out how that happened.

So Thanksgiving started at 5:30am for me, not because we were making anything complicated (green bean casserole) but because I was picking up Pattie from work and going to mom's to help with the meal there.

Before I go any further, let me say that you should never follow the Green Bean Casserole recipe on the LCoFFO (Lying Can of French Fried Onions). Do not add milk.

Technically, Thursday started around 4:30am, I completely forgot until just now that I had one of Pattie's dreams. For whatever reason, I teamed up with my cousin Tasha and her husband -- except it wasn't the guy she's married to IRL -- to steal soft pretzels from an elementary school set up exactly like the hotel we stayed at in Ft. Wayne in September. They were in another part of the building shooting, so I tried to sneak out with my bounty. I did a double-take at the cop by the exit -- because I wasn't expecting a cop to be there. The fact that this cop was Arnold Schwarzenegger seemed completely normal. Anywho, I acted as calm as possible as I passed by him with my handful of soft pretzels, but he'd seen my double-take and questioned me in the parking lot. The truth must have came out, because next thing I knew I was wandering aimless and depressed around the Celina Walmart trying to figure out how I'd tell Pattie that I was going away. Then I woke up.

So. Got back up at 5:30, got my shower, cleaned out the crockpot (we were going to do the casserole in mom's oven, but then she decided to do the turkey in the oven instead of the NuWave), and got on my way. Picked Pattie up, got almost all the way to mom's house, then just inside the tiny village of Allentown we saw something you just don't see in these parts.



Yes, that's four turkeys in the middle of the road. On Thanksgiving. What are the odds? So Pattie took pictures on the phone, we went around them -- they weren't moving for anything -- and got to mom's house.

Ahh, Thanksgiving at mom's house. A holiday just wouldn't be a holiday without her and my sister Christy at each other's throats much of the day. Chris had decided to do most of the cooking herself, which is good and well except for two things: she's inexperienced at cooking large meals and unfamiliar foods, and my mom's side of the family doesn't believe in trivial things like recipes and measurements. So Christy would ask yet another question, mom would give a huffy answer, and Christy would get pissed about it, leaving mom even more exasperated for the next question.

And that's not even the reason mom wants to go out to eat next year. I'm still trying to figure out WTF they spent $150 on, 'cause there were five people and not that many leftovers.

After everything was cooked things settled down. Mom and Pattie took a nap, and I vegetated drowsily while Chris played euchre on Yahoo. Eventually I got the bright idea to pop a couple of Christy's Hydroxycut pills, which are basically 150% caffeine.

Now that I'm thinking about it, they might just work too. I didn't eat near as much at breakfast this morning as I normally do.

But that's not why I took them. 150% caffeine woke me up for the rest of the night, most of which was spent playing Electronic Monopoly Here and Now. Which Christy won.

We saw no turkeys on the way home.

1 lb bulk sausage
1 Tbsp butter
½ cup flour
1 cup evaporated milk
1 cup water
pepper, to taste

Brown sausage in saucepan and crumble; do not drain. Add butter and stir over medium-high heat until melted. Add flour; continue stirring over medium-high heat until flour is browned, being careful not to burn it. Remove from heat; add milk, water and pepper, and stir. Return to low heat, if desired, to heat up and thicken.

And of course, you have to serve it over real biscuits, not the stuff in the tube. Haven't gotten ambitious enough to do those completely from scratch (yet), but Bisquick and milk still does a good job.

Occasionally, there's an e-mail/bulletin/whatever that makes the rounds. It talks about winter in Ohio, and at what temperature we do certain things (like *finally* finding our coats, or turning on the heat *just* so our pipes don't burst).

Don't believe it. 99% of Ohioans were apparently born and raised in Florida.

One thing I'm sure doesn't help is their wardrobe strategy. Depending on who you ask, some 30-50% of your body heat is lost through your head. So, what do you see all winter? Yup, people in big bulky coats and no hats complaining about how cold they are. And they bundle up way too early. If you don't let yourself get used to 40°, what are you going to do when it's 14°?

Another is activity level. For whatever reason, people have this tendency to slow down when they're colder. Which lowers their metabolism and circulation. Which makes them colder. Seriously, do some jumping jacks or shovel faster or something.

But the worst thing people do to themselves is thermostat abuse. Going from 85° to 15° is much harder than going from 55° to 15°. Harder on your energy bill too, but that's beside the point. Florida inside, Ohio outside = bad.

In conclusion: Wear a hat, move around, and don't roast yourself. Thank you.

2 cans jalapeño black-eyed peas, with liquid
1¾ cups water
3 tsp sodium-free chicken boullion

Put all ingredients in saucepan. Bring to boil; reduce heat and simmer ~10 minutes. Enjoy.

Am tired. Maybe post more later. Maybe not.

I am thoroughly convinced that the writers for MSN have no idea what they're talking about.

"By now you'd think scientists could close the book on caffeine and move on to other mysteries, like why anyone would ever order a chai latte." From their article on the benefits of caffeine, this makes me wonder if the author has ever tasted a good chai latte. Or if s/he burned off too many taste buds testing these caffeinated hypotheses.

"RICKROLLING (2008) — an online prank in which users are unexpectedly linked to the ghastly Rick Astley music video “Never Gonna Give You Up.”" This from page 3 of their explanation of memes. Now granted, it's not Meat Loaf or Devo, but I've seen a lot worse -- and I haven't seen that many. Unless they were rhyming with Astley -- to which I say, even Dubya knows that words mean things.

And these were articles I clicked on with genuine interest. Does it get worse?

Tot Tidbits: Leary's Autism Rant, Xtina's Procreation Plans. Abbreviating "Christ" as X comes from the Greek Χριστος -- so unless the author is writing in Greek, the letter of abbreviation should be C, not X. (Those who refuse to write out Christmas should take notes.) Also, since it's an abbreviation for "Christ", this would make her name Christtina. May we be blessed by the magic of her music. Or not. More from the article:
- "Denis Leary had better keep an ear out for the angry clacking of Jenny McCarthy's high heels." She's a woman, therefore she must wear high heels. And the Autism Society of America says Leary is stuck in the 1950s.
- (Yeah, it's awful on a variety of levels, but keep in mind he does mockingly list himself as Dr. Denis Leary on the book's cover and is the same guy who penned a song titled "I'm an A--h---.") Grow some balls. If it's "awful on a variety of levels," then you turn around and justify it, what does that say about you?

So, Jessica Biel is JT's "box". Well not really. Still, someone somewhere along the line should have seen this and sent up a red flag.

I just closed the tab when I saw an article titled "The failure of the American consumer". Message to MSN from planet Earth: Please bring your collective head back from Uranus.

- Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl" is popular because it's two females. A guy singing about kissing another guy would never take off.

- Still on that song, I wonder how long it'll take for the Kidz Bop version to hit. Because you know it will. They have those kids sing anything.

I eat peas with honey,
I've done it all my life;
It does taste kind of funny --
But it keeps them on the knife!

- There's a new soap opera called All My Chicken. I don't recommend it, though -- the acting is pretty fowl.

- Michael Phelps' middle name is Fred. No joke.

(Or: The Blog In Which I Use Too Many Acronyms)

So I got the bright idea to install SP3 for XP today, mostly just hoping against hope that it would clear up my KB892130 bug. No dice. Completely fubar'd my D-Link software too -- can't even uninstall it -- but now Windows is controlling the connection just fine. I swear, wireless is a more potent evil than the Devil himself. I'd complain more, but at least restarting WCZ was an easy fix and I remembered my insane WPA key first try.

Fiery Habanero Doritos. In a word: yes. Always thought it was habañero since I pronounce it that way, but for once Wikipedia has denied me. Anywho, these things are actually spicy. I can't just plow through them like the other flavors.

I've gotten so far out of the blogging habit that it's unreal. And I don't mean the FPS. In fact, video game-wise I'm back to Diablo 2:LOD. Oh yeah, POTCO went out the window, after a while it just gets too repetitive. You would think that eight years of D2 would get repetitive as well, but there's always something new to try. Not always viable, but new nonetheless.

Complaints go in the box below.
[]
Please write legibly.

So yeah. Remember back in, what, March? when I was waiting on a furnace? Well, they called yesterday and said they were finally gonna install it today.

If you're wonering what my mom was wondering, yes, it's far too warm out to run the furnace. Our air conditioner is tied in, so one no worky, both no worky.

Anywho.

So they call today and say they'll install it tomorrow instead. Color me periwinkle. Now mind you, there's a gottverdammt furnace sitting on our back porch, in cardboard, and it really looks like it could rain any time. And they're waiting until tomorrow.

Landlord? More like scumlord.

EDIT: They did come today, but at 2pm instead of 10am like they were supposed to. I'm a bit surprised they showed up at all...